


Meet Kyle, President of the United States

by Ladyspirkis4life97



Category: South Park
Genre: AU, Adults, Fluff, M/M, Maybe OOC, Politics, a little more mature then what I usually do, it's Kyle I had to do a speech I'm sorry, repubs may not like this, time to get political
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-04
Updated: 2019-07-04
Packaged: 2020-06-07 18:31:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,416
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19474897
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ladyspirkis4life97/pseuds/Ladyspirkis4life97
Summary: Kyle is preparing to address the nation after winning the election. As he gets ready he reflects on how he reconnected with Cartman and got here.





	Meet Kyle, President of the United States

**Author's Note:**

> First please no hateful political comments. You can disagree, debate each other but name calling and bigotry won't be allowed. Constructive criticism is always welcome as well. This story is not beated so mistakes are all mine. This is for Kymanweek 2019 day 4: Teamwork enjoy :)

“Cartman I really don’t see how this is necessary.” He was sitting in a chair in front of a mirror as Cartman flitted around him, placing various powders and foundations on his face. Through the mirror, Kyle could see Cartman rolling his eyes as he placed the make up brush down and Cartman placed his hands on Kyle’s shoulders. If they were younger Kyle would have been suspicious and it would have been grounds for a fight but instead Kyle leaned back in the chair and closed his eyes as Cartman said, “this is the first State of the Union you have done, and as much as you look perfect normally, I wanted to make sure that your features were highlighted is that so bad?” Kyle examined himself in the mirror, he had to admit, he looked good, his wrinkles and laugh lines were muted but still showed, making him look distinguished and not a wrinkly middle-aged man and Kyle hummed in approval. Cartman took his hands off of his shoulder and snapped his fingers at a butler standing in the corner “bring our President his suit please.” Kyle stopped himself from apologizing to the butler, it showed that Cartman was at least trying by saying the word please and patiently waiting.

Kyle stood up to accept the suit in a garment bag, it was a light navy blue suit with a cream-colored shirt and a red tie with thick blue stripes. He shook his head, just imagining Cartman scouring the internet to figure out the best color for his ginger friend, they really had come a long way. As Kyle got dressed in a private room he reflected on how they got here. It was twenty years ago and Kyle was a fresh new face on the political scene wondering what the hell he was doing as he handed out flyers that people barely looked at. This had started off as a joke with the guys, Stan had joked that he’s surprised Kyle never went into politics sense he loved giving speeches so much and Kenny said that his moral compass was such that he could easily navigate the two parties and maybe break the endless cycle of choosing the best of two evils. Kyle had risen to the challenge and agreed and the more he thought about his campaign plan the more personal this became and soon, he really did want to be a politician, but none of the big parties took him seriously, said he was too young and inexperience with his head in the clouds. It was as Kyle handed out the last flyer that he noticed the person stopped and stayed in front of him. 

Kyle looked up and physically took a step back at what he saw, there was Cartman, hair slicked back and in a charcoal gray suit. Cartman stepped forward and with a shark-like grin he said: “so Stan mentioned you might be needing a political advisor?” Kyle took one look at that smile and knew he was fucked as he shook Cartman’s hand and said: “Yeah, yeah I think I might.” Cartman held onto his hand longer than was proper and dropped it only because he needed to answer his phone, as he talked into it he kept his eyes on Kyle and handed him his card while mouthing to him “call me.” He then walked off, leaving Kyle uncomfortably hard and head swirling with conflicting emotions. That same day he called Cartman and invited him to his house, Cartman showed up in a T-shirt and jeans that hung low and really was it his fault that he pressed Carman up against the door the moment it was closed and kissed him senseless? That night was, to put it simply amazing and Kyle confessed he was a virgin. Cartman gently kissed him and handed him a bottle of lube and whispered into his ear, “not after tonight.” 

Kyle quickly shook his head as a knock on the door reminded him that he had bigger things to think about and willed his erection away as he stepped out into the hallway. Cartman just gave him a knowing smirk and together they walked together to the oval office and Cartman stood aside as Kyle approached the stand. Kyle adjusted the microphone and found the prompter, with a subtle nod they began broadcasting and Kyle opened his mouth and said “Good evening America. I understand that we live in some troubling times where peace isn’t easy to come by and you may be feeling downtrodden, but let me assure you that even the deepest enemies can become friends. I have always made it my mission in this administration to never lie to you, so I won’t tell you that peace will happen overnight, I won’t tell you that I have all the answers and besides we’re all tired of politicians thinking that way. It is the purpose of this speech to tell you what is going on currently political wise and one of the best ways I can speak to you one on one. Firstly, together we have all agreed to destroy the electoral college, no more will a select few people be able to choose who is president, it is now strictly the popular vote.

People have risen worries about bigger states having a bigger say then the smaller states, however, don’t they already? Due to the electoral college politicians are forced to focus on states with the most electoral votes and thus ignore the other states who may not be as influential. We have also decided that much like presidents, senators, and representatives will have only two terms, this will hopefully cut down on lobbying and ensure fresh ideas are always flowing throughout the white house. I learned at a young age that sometimes you can’t have perfection, the world will always have its evil people and taking down the corruption will take more time then the United States constitution allows me, and that is ok we are American’s we will grow and overcome as we always do. Thirdly and probably most controversially I am making the immigration process easier so that no one has to escape here illegally and have sent ambassadors to countries to figure out the problems that draw people to our country. We can’t however, accept everyone so every ten years when we do the census, we will either increase or limit the number of immigrants we allow into our country and they will go through a vetting process, with citizenship being withheld until they have spent two years here gainfully employed and no criminal acts. Any felony will be handled on a case by case basis but might be cause for deportation. 

There are lots of more changes getting ready to happen and it hasn’t been an easy fight, I have had to compromise on some of my morals just to show good faith and to get a lot of what I want, it’s actually a lot easier getting what you want by being nice and talking than by going to war with each other and that’s the heart of what I want my administration to be about compromise. I am the first Jewish, gay man to be elected president and I will serve our country and you faithfully my fellow Americans and remember, you might miss out on something really amazing if you don’t learn to let go of the past. Goodnight America, land of the free.” They stopped streaming the address and Kyle walked away to the journalist’s asking lots of questions leaving his other advisors to either answer questions or provide his contact information and a list of questions so he could call and answer them personally. For now, Kyle looked for Cartman and was relieved that by marrying his childhood rival Cartman could easily read him and wrapped an arm around Kyle’s tired body once they were out of camera shot. That night in their bed with their arms wrapped around each other Cartman said: “your speech was very good, but next time stick to the teleprompter I am sure many people will be upset tomorrow.” Kyle shrugged sleepily and snuggled into Cartman’s arms and said: “we’ll deal with that later, I love you Eric and goodnight.” Eric looked down at Kyle fondly as he heard soft snores and reached over to turn off the bedside lamp, snuggling back with his husband Cartman whispered: “I love you too Kyle.”


End file.
